Saturday, May 9, 2009

The 'I-dunno-what-title-to put' Post

I am back from the camp.

It wasn't as bad as I had expected I would say.
Thought we'll be going outdoors and the camp would involve some really physical trainings but it was done in the college itself, so nope, no tigers.

Nevertheless, a lot of critical thinking was involved and they were constantly playing mind games with us. Lack of sleep and tasks to be done with only one night given was a little stressful but my fellow groupmates were all still laughing, sharing jokes, so yeah, we had fun in between as well. =)

I got selected but the perkampungan only starts next Friday, so I'm home now. Will make full use of my break;gonna sleep, sleep and sleep then squeeze yumcha sessions in between.

Actually, I wrote this to say this out. I'm hesitating as this is quite personal and I don't feel like disclosing any names yet. Everything is still uncertain so no point pouring all the details here. Many would say then, no point posting it up. I'm like hinting but not tellling. Like it or not, this is my blog and I have the rights to write anything here. I won't just write something for the sake of inviting more readers to this dead blog of mine.

It is about a guy. Yes, I've been mentioning him just a little in my posts before this.

Anyway, I only told some of my really close friends this person's identity not because those whom I didn't tell are not my preferred friends, it is just that like I mentioned, no point telling something uncertain. I myself am not sure if I really like this guy. I don't think I know him enough as we rarely talk. Anyhow, those few times we spoke make me feel really comfortable and nice. And I'm always looking forward to talk to him again.

Thing is, this kind of good feeling will usually just go off after some time but this time, though I was sort of stressed out and occupied when I was in the camp, I constantly think of him. Getting short messages or just news about him from another friend makes me smile. Yes, this is very mushy, I know.

Problem is, friends who know about this don't think it is a good idea. Me and my good feeling I mean. They have their logic and reasons for this. I'm just not the type of girl that a guy would fall for once they know me. I've never been labelled as attractive or anything close to that. I'm not being humble or harsh on myself, these are facts. I don't smile to strangers or friends I don't really know and talking to them would take some time. I won't even bother greeting people I don't like while some would take the courtesy to be nice and smile, at least. I'm just...mean. Yes, mean is the right word.

And this guy is, from what most of us know, someone who takes looks pretty seriously. Shallow, I know but who doesn't judge one from their looks? It's just that some that are not so attractive turns out to be really nice people, so they become pretty to you after some time. I know this is getting confusing but wth, I hope you guys get it lah.

This is why I wrote this post. I feel...wrong. Like I insist on jumping into the water, just because I like doing that though my dear ones keep telling me how dangerous it is and I would hurt myself when I fall. I don't know what to do.

To take the safe route and never know what might just happen.

Or to go against the norm and take chances.

I don't know.


さやろん said...

i don't know what you are talking about but one thing i'm sure is that you should follow your heart. Whatever that makes you happy...even though it might hurt you in the end. Because there's just a 50/50 chance that you never will be hurt in the end. Even if you're hurt,pick up the piece and glue them back .Who knows in the process someone might help you glue it back again:) serendipity :)too many times have i lose something because i didnt have the courage to grab the chance when I have it. have fun flirting!! You decide your own happiness...fight for it !! Aja aja Fightin!!

Xin Min said...

carol: Thanks girl.. Yea, you've got your point... We'll see how.. =)

Belle said...

I think you are talking about who i'm thinking of.. neways, if you really wanna, like you said, 'jump into the water' there are pros and cons la... but like your other friend said, follow your heart... other people can say what they think but they are not YOU so they don't exactly know the REAL thing unless they are you.. do you get me?? heh..
i think your dear ones would still be supporting in the end whether the outcome of your decision is good or bad...
so take some time and see where your heart leads you too...
take care ya!

Xin Min said...

Belle: You know?? Hehe.. So I should follow my heart?? *sigh* I really don't know what to do.. But thanks so much Belle.. At least I know you're going to be one of those who will be supporting me. *hugs*

Belle said...

erm, maybe i dun? prob you changed target when i was seldom in coll, i dun know...
Neways, yea follow your heart...
and btw, i'll be here when you need me la... and despite me being seldom in coll,now more than last time, i'll not just let our friendship drift away because you are my FIRST friend in UM.. lol.. take pride in that ya? haha.. anything let me know la..

Xin Min said...

Belle: YES YES!! You're my first friend in 3rd (after my roommate of course). I still remember I was so happy to hear someone with the name Annabelle cause most prolly you're a banana. =) Yes, definitely Belle, let's keep in touch! And you are most welcomed to come back and stay at C217 whenever you want to. Hehe! And I'll keep you updated with 3rd's gossip and juicy stories, no worries!